Tips for dating a single mom

Posted by Akila, 07 Aug

Have you any idea what to expect if you are considering dating a single mom? If you have never dated one, then you have come to the right place. Just like the ladies with no kids, single moms also have a lot to offer when it comes to dating. Just because she might have a lot on her plate doesn't mean that she can't fit in some romance in her lifestyle. How can you make this relationship work? To set the stage for dating someone with kids, follow the advice below brought to you by Swirlr.

What to expect and is expected of you when dating someone with kids

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Yes, we might like to sugarcoat things by saying that dating single moms is no different than dating a woman with no kids. Before you even make a move, you need to acknowledge the fact it's different. The dynamics will be different. There are kids who aren't yours that are involved. So its never going to be about the two of you... Your relationship comes as a package! So here are some of the tips to make it work...

The kids will always be prioritized

If she is one of the good single mothers, she will stand you up to help her kid do his homework or stay home with a kid who just sneezed just when she was leaving for your date. People always gauge the other person's feelings and commitment based on the amount of time they put in a relationship. Well, with if you are dating a single mother, this might not be the case. She may not have time to hang out with you as often as you'd like. So instead of giving her the third degree based on the limited time she has for you, pay attention to the other ways that she expresses her feelings for you. She has enough on her plate.

Understand that there is more to her than being a mother

So she is a mother. But raising kids isn't the only thing that defines her. There are a lot of things she might want to explore with you as a woman. Yes, the kids might be a big part of her life, but remember she also has feelings and her own needs. So don't solely carve your relationship around the fact that she is a mother. Instead, take time to learn about her interests, needs values, and what she considers fun! Also, let her into your world and let her experience some of the things that raising kids alone may have made it hard for her to enjoy. Once in awhile, arrange for a sitter and take her dancing...

Before you meet the kids, make sure it is something serious

You need to be thoughtful and give the woman time. If you are not serious with this woman, then there is no reason to meet the kids. Only do it when the time is right rather than pressure her to meet her kids.

Ensure that the first meeting is in a neutral setting. You can all engage in a short activity.

There is a chance that the kids won't automatically warm up to you. So you need to mentally prepare yourself for this. Do not take it personally. It's natural because they might be seeing you as someone who has come to replace their father. Others just don't like sharing their mother's love especially if she was always there for them then suddenly they have to share her time with you. They are probably seeing you as a threat. Don't take this personally. So you need to be patient with them if they react unfavorably.

Try opening the lines of communication. Ask them to express their feelings and let them know that it's OK to feel the way they are. Assure them that you can never replace their father and that you are not trying to take their mother away from them. Let them know that they will always be their mom's priority and just because you are in their mother's life doesn't mean that she will love them less.

Give them space with the mother

One of the things about a single mom dating a childless man is that the woman will always need space with her children. If they used to have some special activity that they used to do together, don't force yourself into being a part of it. Otherwise, the kids will interpret it as you robbing them of their special tradition with their mother. If they used to go for a special holiday together, respect their special time. When the kids are ready for you t tag along, they will ask you to.

Limit the PDA

So you know how much of a big change it is for the kids to see their mum with someone new. Now if they didn't welcome you in open arms, don't keep upsetting them by rubbing it in with your public displays of affection. With single parent dating, always put their feelings, whatever they are first.

Stay off the ex-partner drama

One of the dangers of dating a single mom is getting mixed up in the ex drama. Trust me, getting entangled in it is not worth it. If they have their issues let her handle it. Your place in to offer her support, not to meddle in their affairs. So let them handle their court battles if that is the case as opposed to confronting the ex to give him your two cents of advice.

Also, don't rob the family of the time they used to hang out together. You are not the father. So if they used to hang out together on Sundays, just keep off and let them be.

Let her discipline her own kids.

If you are new to dating single moms, one rule is to let your new girlfriend handle the discipline of her kids. It doesn't matter whether you are dating a single mom with a toddler, dating a single mom in her 20s or dating a single mom in her 40s. The only exception to this rule of single parents dating is if she asks for your assistance. Listen and offer her emotional support and encouragement. Instead of handling a discipline issue yourself, talk to her about the concerns you might be having about the kids’ behavior. Listen and offer her emotional support.

Always follow your intuition

You are the only one who can decide whether single parent dating is for you. Family and friends might discourage you. They might throw in judgments like "she is only looking for a father figure for her kids". Dude, you are a grown a** man with a mind of your own. If you like her, then ignore them and focus on building your relationship with this woman you like.

There are lots of dating a single mom benefits. If you are the kind of person who excludes dating singles moms, then you are removing the most selfless, most loving and caring lot. Don't stand in the way of happiness by writing off single parents dating. If you like the woman, give it shot and be open-minded about it. This might end up being the best decision of your lifetime.

Single ladies out there? Read this article on why you should include dating single dads when searching for love.

4 responses to "Tips for dating a single mom"

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  1.   DC- says:
    Posted: 02 Sep

    Good points. But I would advise any single mother to post honest profile photos; and don't take anyone on dating sites too seriously.

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  2.   Vegas2Tampa says:
    Posted: 25 Aug

    I’m a single dad but my children live with their mother most of the year. I prefer dating single mothers because they can relate. I love children too

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    • QueenNgy says:
      Posted: 13 Oct

      Unfortunately I had to learn the hard way myself. Being a single parent/ widow is tough. I find that interaction with other single parents are more compatible because they’re is a unspoken rule about the love and care we provide for our children. I’m not dismissing single people without kids, it’s just an easier understanding that I’m not left trying to educate on the importance of my loved ones.

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  3.   velmon says:
    Posted: 12 Aug

    Dating as a single parent can be challenging on both ends. At the end of the day you can't live for your children alone, otherwise you risk creating a bubble mentality for yourself and them. I'd rather model for my kids how to pick up the pieces and move on, no chips-on-shoulder mentality. Plus I've got enough people on my case about my love life, I don't need the kids giving me dating advice too. These people are smart they can tell when your MOJO is out of whack.

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