Watch Out for these Red-Flag Conversation Starters

Posted by Jordan, 06 Sep

"Zorabelle,"  is an attractive, single, and living on the East Coast is looking for love. But she's running into a bit of a snag. She sometimes receives cheesy messages and pick-up lines bordering on creepy.

"I have YET to run into a woman of color who absolutely loves it when a white man stipulates that he's "really into dark women" OR "that he's looking for his *chocolate, nubian, cocoa, exotic* goddess. Man that shit is irksome. No one likes being made to feel like they're some kind of experiment or that they're taboo and I feel like dudes who use this terminology are absolutely clueless as to how tacky it comes across and why it's not cool. That whole chocolate and vanilla comparison... oy vey…"

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

Guys if you're cringing right now because...you know that you've done this before (or maybe you just did it) it's a good thing you clicked on this post. You might be cutting yourself out of the running with women like the lovely "Zorabelle" and not even know why. You might be puzzled why you're continuing to strike out with women that you express an interest in because of the language and phraseology you're using.

But let's be real, there are men on every dating site in existence who are just playing the numbers and trolling for a sex-ready partner, and ladies, you need to be able to sniff these guys out right away so you're not wasting your time. The objective is to find choices of quality, potential prospects so you can move on with your life, not wading through cretinous messages, wondering if these guys are "really that bad."

Ladies, here's a few rules to remember the next time one of these time-wasters reaches out to you:

Avoid Mr. One-Liner

Generally ignore any messages that don't reference anything on your profile. These notes are usually posted by "Mr. One-Liner," the guy who opens a conversation with a cheesy one-liner like, "How you doing?" or "Hello my Nubian princess!" or "Do you have more pictures? (usually a sly way of gauging whether or not you'll send him nudes) or the ever-maddening and simple, "Hey." Mr. One-Liner is a lazy ass, who is hoping that you'll do all the work to encourage interaction and conversation. And the reason why he's so lazy is because he's just not that interested in you in particular; he's just fishing and hoping he'll catch a bite with rotten bait.

For the Guys…

For the men who have caught themselves in this trap of cheesy one-liners but just don't know any better, now you do. Practice reading a woman's profile you're interested in and then give her a short note (100 words or so) referencing what you liked about her profile, if you though that any of her interests and ambitions mesh with yours, and for the love of all things holy DON'T reference her looks with terms like "brown sugar" or "chocolate bunny."

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. For 11 years, he hosted The Art of Charm Podcast - regularly in the iTunes top 50 and downloaded over four million times a month. Now Jordan interviews the world's top performers - from legendary musicians to intelligence operatives, iconoclastic writers to visionary change-makers at The Jordan Harbinger Show, consistently holding in the iTunes top 100 after just a few weeks. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook or Instagram.

115 responses to "Watch Out for these Red-Flag Conversation Starters"

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  1.   Str8upKing says:
    Posted: 22 Oct

    Oh but it's no big deal if the women talk about men and using the very same terms that you say the men use!

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  2.   Jerrysure says:
    Posted: 22 Sep

    fair enough but......Don't you have to get someone's attention before blah blah? you get that by saying "Hi" first. It's more like an ice breaker. it opens the door for conversation... it is merely a conversation starter... it tells the other person that you are open for a conversation. How do you start with a long sentence or paragraph with someone online/stranger who might not even exist?. It's like someone visits you and knocks on your door....you have to open the door before any conversation starts...so there!

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  3.   Josie1961 says:
    Posted: 14 Aug

    ‘I love your smile’ or ‘hair’. They didn’t look past your picture to read about the real you.

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    • Str8upKing says:
      Posted: 22 Oct

      How do you know that for sure Josie??... You're basically making an assumption on this guys hypocritical article made to cause women to mistrust men.

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  4. Posted: 30 Jul

    An Alpha speaks from the heart and shares what he likes about the girl..this article is very Beta thus not authentic and genuinely creepy

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  5.   Rhyknow says:
    Posted: 08 Jun

    Good advice

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  6.   FutureXman says:
    Posted: 12 Apr

    Geeze Louise, I wrote that with paragraph breaks, but apparently the site took them out...

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  7.   FutureXman says:
    Posted: 12 Apr

    If you read the suggestions of the poster, then perhaps you felt some sort of way after reading his advice. My question for Mr. Harbinger would be whether or not he actually ever successfully used an online dating service to meet someone and make a connection that turned into a successful long term relationship. My experience on the mater is that most likely he never did! Yes, what JB suggests makes a lot of logical sense. However, most women do not act rational and logical especially on online dating sites. Even if she did once in her early use of it, if the lady is at all attractive, she soon stopped that behavior. No, I personally am not the type of guy that approaches ladies of interest by objectifying them and trying to catch their attention by providing a reference to their ethnicity, etc. However, for decades I have incorporated different methods of initial approaches to women across many different websites. And, honestly, for the most part, guys, it doesn't really matter what you write or type in your first communications to ladies on any type of online dating site. Let me stress this point again. IN THE BIGGER SCHEME OF THINGS, IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT ANY MAN INITIALLY TYPES TO ANY WOMAN ON ANY ONLINE DATING SITE! Why? Continue reading... The quickest most efficient answer to the question of why is doesn't matter what you type is You, the Man, Have absolutely no idea what any other person's experience has been on dating sites, what their current state of mind is or how they are going to react to what you right? If you reach out to a lady that is overwhelmingly popular and attractive on any online dating site, YOU most likely will never get a response. Why? Because shortly after she becomes overwhelmed by her popularity, logging into the site becomes a drag, a nightmare, a chore and its no longer fun. Yes, she may wish to find a good match, meet a good man, but she can't. She logs in and there are hundreds or thousands of messages, invites, etc. And instead of reading anything you have to say, not because she doesn't want to, but because she just doesn't have the time or can't actually get it done, she practically doesn't read 1 word of what you've written because she's too darn busy scanning, deleting and dismissing all those messages in her inbox. She quickly figures out that the only possible way to try to sort through all the interest coming her way is to simply LOOK at the profile of the guy that messaged her, see if what is displayed there interest her in the slightest bit and if it doesn't, she deletes your message without a reply, without ever reading and with no regards for you and your attempts at all. And if she really values her time on the site, she may even block you just so she doesn't get another message from you and have to view your profile again. Soon, even this task is too much and that lady leaves the sight, unhappy, frustrated that she didn't make a connection or meet a match, and with the opinion that online dating doesn't really work. However, she fails to take any responsibility for any part of this not realizing that the biggest cause to this issue stemmed from the beautify photos, positions and wonderfully crafted profile that she put together in the first place. This is not to say that she should blame herself for being so attractive. If she wanted true love based on her personality, she should have left off the photos of herself if she knew that men would go crazy chasing after her based on her looks only, she would simply let her words speak for her. But who does that any more? Almost none of the women on this site. A lady that is so popular MAY take the time to read what you've written if she takes a look at your profile and sees something on it that interests her. Only then may she go back and review your words to her. Maybe then, and only then, might your words have some small impact on a very popular ladies decision to reply to you. Women that are average, mediocre, have attraction challenges, personality disorders, and other social oddities are the only women with enough time while using an online dating site to READ what you've written and to give 1 iota to what you say. If you didn't catch this as part of their profile when you reviewed it, you will soon learn what their oddity is as you continue to communicate with them and eventually meet them. If you're okay with meeting these kinds of women, then MAYBE, just MAYBE what you write to them initially may have some bearing on whether or not you get a response. If you're the only guy to put a message in their inbox this week, IT DOES MATTER WHAT YOU SAY, you ARE going to get a response anyway. And it will most likely be a positive response that you can appreciate and try to workout in your favor. If you haven't figured out online dating yet, which most really great looking women haven't, the best looking ladies on online dating sites have the least success meeting and making a relationship with men. I'm not going to get into why directly in this message but if you read this message you can probably figure out why. JB apparently doesn't have a clue either. (As a quick side note, the most successfully dated women on any website are those who are grossly over weight, out of shape, with less than average income, with a full set of issues who have the ability to say YES and will do so far more often than other women. If you disagree -- check the facts. THIS IS A KNOWN FACT! If you're a good looking woman with a lot of money unfortunately you have an attitude that is not conducive to the tolerance of the majority of men and you're at the bottom of the totem pole of the success female daters. Don't hate me -- check the statistics for yourself. ) Next reason of WHY what you say doesn't really matter. Again, TIME is of the essence here. By now, if you're still reading this post, maybe I've captivated your attention and maybe I haven't. But it is taken a lot longer than you wanted to invest in reading anything today, hasn't it? Well, I'm even more verbose at times when writing initial messages to women and I'm here to tell you, it DOESN'T MATTER what you write. In fact, there is definitely such a thing as SAYING TOO MUCH! JB suggest that you read a ladies profile before messaging her (I agree) and in your first message that you comment on some of the aspects that you ready about her. (Hmmm? Well, JB didn't think that one out too far, did he?) Sure, the first time a lady receives a compliment or comment about something specific in her message, it feels genuine and that lucky fellow that wrote it might just get a very good "Thank you" response. But after the 3rd to 5th guy tells her the same thing she's already heard from several other guys, your message is just NOISE! And she now feels like, ah, you're just trying to flatter her to get to something else. Now she's on the defensive and skeptical about everything else you say especially if it comes across as sweet talk. If you're the 10th guy telling her what she already knows, she's just about tired of it at that point and she's thinking, well, can't these guys be any more creative? Can they not come up with anything better to say? Yes, she knows she has great looking green eyes, luscious lips, a healthy figure, etc. What else did you notice? Sometimes, she will even modify her profile to take out that feature that she was receiving so many compliments on. She's starting to learn, but she's still doesn't get it. People, are you starting to see why posting a photo of yourself on an online dating site is a mere set-up to being objectified? You post a photo and you turn what is supposed to be an introduction site into a meat market and then you wonder why guys and gals don't have better opening Hello's. They only clicked on your profile because of the photo you posted. In most cases, that's the way guys shop for women on dating sites -- they put in a little bit of search information, mostly location and age range, and maybe ethnicity, and then they look at the photos and make a decision based on that -- long before they read 1 word of what a lady has written. And I already mentioned what women do. But in case you're unaware, most ladies NEVER use the SEARCH function on an online dating site. I have asked this question over and over on more than a dozen sites, and even though women claim they are on the site to find a good man, they almost NEVER go looking for one. Instead, they create their profile and wait to receive a message, flirt or some interest and they react or they dismiss and delete. If you think I'm wrong, ask them? Ask any lady that you're corresponding with on this or any other website and ask her when was the last time she actually searched for a guy on the site? Then ask her "What did she type when she initiated a message to him?" You be very surprised that she never types 100 words initially to anyone. Most of the times, she simply types "Hey!". 1 in 1000 women might tell you they searched but almost none will tell you that said Hello first -- they just don't do it! They will send a wink though. Now, if the lady is bi-sexual or the masculine part of Lesbian, her behavior will be different and more along the lines of a heterosexual man. I'm mostly talking about heterosexual interest at the moment so if you're thinking about other types of endeavors, those don't apply. Most men won't write 100 words. Some, won't even write 100 characters. And it doesn't matter. Because most women aren't going to write you back using 100 words or 100 characters either. Yes, JB and readers, IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT YOU WRITE OR TYPE in your first message to a woman! I'm going to get a lot of flack for my comments here if this site posts this message. Some of you are going to get upset with me for making these statements. Most of you won't take the time to read this comment so your comments don't matter anyway. If you're honest with yourself, whether you are a man or a woman, you will realize that if you've used an online dating site with any success whatsoever, there are a few things you do and a lot of things you don't. The first thing you will have to do is BE SEEN! You create your profile and for most women that simply mean posting a photo or two. Many ladies don't even bother to fill out the rest of a profile. Shame on them. If you're a guy, you're posting the best photo you can find, and writing a lot of crap about who you are, what you have, what you want, and how you think you're going to get it. (Wrong, wrong, wrong, but that's what guys do!) If you're a handsome attractive man with a bit of swagger and few dollars, you might be a hit. But you won't be Jack until you search for some ladies and send out some messages. On most sites, that means, you better first reach into your pocket and pay the membership fee. I wish I could ask this site a question? Show me the numbers. Show me how many paying females are on this site. Show me how many paying men are on this site. I'll guarantee you the ratio is something like 80% of men are paying and 2% of women are! THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT. If a guy has to pay, so should a woman. But sites won't do that because the women are the attracting factors in this game. They are the inventory and if an online dating site has no inventory, they don't have anything to sell. If they have nothing to sell, they don't have a working business model. So men pay the price. When you think about it, shouldn't paying men at least get their money's worth? I mean, if you pay to have to send a message to a lady, regardless of what you write, shouldn't you at least get a reply back to your message? If the lady isn't interested, shouldn't she be obligated to say so instead of just ignoring the guy's interest? Did she pay? Probably not! Yet, she has the right to ignore and block a paid guys message. That's like going to a restaurant where women are always served for free but men have to pay. A woman comes in and orders whatever she likes. Some guy there is assigned to pay for her meal. She doesn't have to thank him or even acknowledge that he did so. The man has to pay whether he likes it or not. He can approach any women there but if he does, he must pay for a meal (it doesn't have to be this one, but he'll have to pay no matter what). She doesn't have to accept his offer. She can take his money though and use it on a future visit. There is nothing he can do about this other than just not use the restaurant. I ask you all. Do you think that business model would work as a successful restaurant? The answer is NO IT WOULDN'T, yet, that is practically the it is with the majority of all online dating sites. And you women laugh and think this is funny. If only we could switch places for a little while, maybe you would think twice about how you treat men on an online dating site. But for now, we'll keep getting stiffed with the bill (all puns intended)! JB calls men who are unwilling to send a lady a message of around 100 words, lazy! Hmmm. Maybe the guy is. Maybe he isn't. Maybe, lazy has nothing to do with it. I wonder how JB would feel if he paid this sites membership for 3 months, invested the time to read every girls profile that he was interested in, carefully, meticulously, strategically and genuinely sent a heart felt Hello to his ladies of interest to the tune of about 5 new ladies a day, averaging about 10 minutes per profile. This means from login to logout each day he invested about an hour of his time searching and sending these introductions. That is 7 hours a week, 4 weeks in a month, 28 hours on average for 3 months equals about 84 hours and 420 introduction messages. Let's call this approach ADVERTISING. He's advertising himself to potential ladies. A good rule of thumb in the world of advertising in a common market is about 5% interest with about 1% buyers. Everything else would be a NO, No thank you, I'm not interested. 420 * .5% = 21. So let's say 21 ladies in 3 months actually reply to JB. At that rate, about 4 ladies might be willing to make a date with JB. Maybe JB can get 1 of those 4 to be a long term relationship. But JB was rejected 419 times in 3 months. By then, JB isn't feeling so great. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE: By the beginning for the 4th month, the last thing JB is interested in doing is spending 10 minutes of his precious time to send a genuine 100 word message to any lady about anything. Not to mention the money he paid to be ignored, slapped in the face, dismissed, blocked, etc. 419 times. What I'm saying is that, human nature, eventual tells a man, look, I need to spend about 3 to 5 minutes looking at profiles that interest me, if I see one I like, say "Hello! How are you? Are you in the mood to talk about meeting up one day soon?" And send that same message to every lady he can find. Pretty soon he finds out that yes, the rejection number is higher but so were his approach numbers. Now, he can send out 100 intro's in an hour, 700 in a week, and by weeks end, at 1% 7 women have considered him and are interacting with him. And if JB can't sell himself and close at least 1 in 28 women in 30 days, then maybe JB doesn't need to be on a dating site because he sucks at it. Folks, you do the math. You read the science. You consider this activity you're endeavoring in from all angles, both the male and the female perspectives, and when you're done, if you're honest with yourself, you will arrive at the same conclusion -- IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT YOU WRITE OR TYPE TO A WOMAN IN YOUR FIRST MESSAGE! If you think I'm wrong, test it and see... THEN, come back and leave your 2 cents worth as a comment... Sorry JB, but your advise isn't worth the price one has to pay to receive it (zero)!

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    • NiiAmo says:
      Posted: 10 Jun

      good reply

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    • Beingmary says:
      Posted: 24 Jun

      I am all for reading paragraphs, but you did not make it into paragraphs so it was very overwhelming. Advice, and please do not be offended, use paragraphs............ thanks from a future want to be a reader

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  8.   ashabien says:
    Posted: 25 Aug 18

    The thing that confuses me the incivility of it. I think it polite to respond to a greeting. Also how do you judge a stranger you can't see's character without at least exchanging a few words and ladies should know that it's kind to let a man know when he has done something wrong or if you're not interested rather than stringing them alone. A word of caution though is that the men who are expert at striking up conversation with women and have nice pick-up lines have had plenty practice. Yes. Players have the most experience with women therefore are more at ease with speaking with the ladies.

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  9.   Ladykey10 says:
    Posted: 26 Jun 18

    If the second line is “what are you wearing” run, flag and block this person

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  10.   Sammi_D says:
    Posted: 11 Nov 17

    Guys keep it original thanks

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  11.   Sd19 says:
    Posted: 13 Aug 17

    It's like Avoiding Racism.

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  12. Posted: 29 May 17

    Thank youforur advice

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  13.   z1olly says:
    Posted: 19 Feb 17

    Good women is hard to fine

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  14.   Asuhd says:
    Posted: 17 Feb 17

    Hi

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  15. Posted: 13 Feb 17

    Good stuff in this article. Although a proofreader would be great. I hear spelling errors are a turn-off. ;)

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  16.   Mande1105 says:
    Posted: 13 Feb 17

    I just want my dream to be true en who wld make it, any real woman who wish one day saying daddy wake up tea is ready, Bubu go en clean up ur room....such burdens for a woman in responsible relationship

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  17.   Mustafah says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 17

    Please allow sleezy guys to continue their sleezy one liners and distasteful comments so that sharp women can continue to weed them out. What we don't need is for someone teaching them how not to appear what they really are...SLEEZY.

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  18.   powde says:
    Posted: 13 Jan 17

    Keeping it brief is keeping it real

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  19.   airwave says:
    Posted: 28 Dec 16

    YOLO only live One

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  20.   zolakb says:
    Posted: 02 Dec 16

    Looking for a white Lady who is seriously looking for black guy

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  21.   Matiniz says:
    Posted: 29 Nov 16

    Hi am black guy single am looking for a white woman who is serious about relationship

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  22. Posted: 21 Nov 16

    interesting........

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  23.   Miniki says:
    Posted: 13 Oct 16

    I really really love you

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  24.   Ballooia says:
    Posted: 20 May 16

    Hi how are you friend please send yr mobile no whatsap NO

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  25.   Disco1 says:
    Posted: 18 Apr 16

    Cool nice feed back

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  26.   Dr.Love. says:
    Posted: 07 Apr 16

    I like the game of boxing but I don't have who can hold me up.I would like to be achampion one day.whoever there if possible,please help me to raise up my dream.

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  27.   Chrisdred says:
    Posted: 16 Mar 16

    But she won't sit down at your table And I know that you can't hold her hand She won't go home with you cowboy She's in love with a rodeo man Well he's hard and he's scarred and he's grayin'

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  28.   TheogHoop says:
    Posted: 16 Mar 16

    I believe all dating sites have the same problems ladies are frustrated with guys only looking for sex or not being serious about monogamy and guys are frustrated because we catch the heat from the mess the other guy has left before us. I agree with the one liner thing but i also disagree with the making comments about the profile because with some ladies no matter what you write them they still don't reply. Some ladies, especially these days, are interested in guys who are rich, thugs, or they look like they came out of a men's health magazine. I believe some ladies are living in a fantasy world not all guys are like the men on soap operas or movies and some say they want a nice guy who respects them but end choosing the opposite

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  29.   Wisepoet says:
    Posted: 06 Nov 15

    Okay I get this article but good lord woman not all men are experts when it comes to conversations. I'm not perfect, but will you find that out by me starting a conversation saying Hello or How are you doing ?? I get some guys can come off lazy but seriously be easy on him. If anything teach him by starting the conversation, most woman put up pretty photos and just sit and wait. You never know if he just absolutely has no game or a clever personality. So why put someone through a MCAT test to just simply say.... Hello

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  30.   jaggers1 says:
    Posted: 11 Oct 15

    Maybe I am wrong but I always like to ask how the person is doing then I talk about other stuff from their profile. Maybe this is why I can't get a reply. Lol. On another note for me personally I don't reference the person's skin color and if the women on here do not want to be addressed by the clolr of their skin then they too should not reference it in their name. I have read profiles with headlines like your chocolate queen, Hershey kiss and more. I already know what you are by reading your profile and looking at pictures. I know this may sound wrong to some and my apologies for that but it's a two way street. I see profile pics of women in lingerie but then say not looking for sex. The pic and words send mixed signals to men especially ones who don't read profiles. Correct me if I am wrong about this please.

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    • me-n-u-4ever says:
      Posted: 19 Nov 16

      I agree... Men are totally "visual".. I learned this from a woman.. She told me she expected men to "look" at her and the messages she sends with makeup, clothes, looks...etc. Non verbal communication.. Highly practiced on web sites. Robert

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    • MustLuvFit says:
      Posted: 21 May 17

      I couldn't agree more.

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  31.   Harvia says:
    Posted: 27 Aug 15

    You sure know how to eat chocolates how nice

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  32.   china_dahl says:
    Posted: 04 Aug 14

    Agreed that article is right on.I dont know how many inappropriate one liners I got.If you want a woman approach her like one.You cant call me baby and I dont even know your name or you know mines thats such a turn off.

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    • celony says:
      Posted: 19 Nov 14

      I agree. .. :-) guy like me . I'm truly wanted to falling in love with someone. . :-) so difficult ... When you truly honest .....

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  33.   MissTexas01 says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 14

    I am guilty of one liners. I have called a grown man Delicious. Lol I wasn't looking for cyber sex. He just looked like Hercules all scrumptious. The thing is even if I had not typed those thoughts I would have still thought them. I would rather someone tell me what he is thinking. He may not get the reaction he wants but at least he is not being deceitful with his intentions. I do have a problem with a guy telling me he loves chocolate. Mostly because I am honey brown. What does that mean to me. I'm not about to go tan, man. I have a caramel complexion that I like. It's like me telling a white guy I love chocolate. He would be just as confused as I am to the revelation. Wondering what that has to do with him. I'm latte brown, caramel, honey, cookie dough but unfortunately not chocolate. OK back to the one liner subject. I don't mind it. Some people are not social butterflies or pick up artists which is why they are single. I prefer a guy that doesn't know the right thing to say to get the girl. That is a benefit. Some men do not know how to spark conversation with women right off. Once you guys start to get to know each other conversation should then start to flow once a mutual interest has been discovered with some. Not all guys are not interested if they just say "hi". I look at online interactions the same way I would imagine live interaction. If a guy came up to you and said hi then smiled you wouldn't say he was not interested. You would smile and say hi back then start a conversation from there. So what is the difference.

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    • steebiko says:
      Posted: 18 Nov 15

      You seems so lovely can i be your friend

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    • powde says:
      Posted: 14 Jan 17

      I am smiling at you caramel i mean cookie doe .you got me with tha cookie doe line i like yuh flavour baby

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      • fearlesscrus says:
        Posted: 27 Nov 17

        "doe" is a female deer, this lady looks like a human being to me. See the difference?

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  34.   mibu says:
    Posted: 19 Jul 14

    For the most part of how it looks to me is there are a lot of women having 10 guys talking to them at a time.but there are more women on here than men when it comes to white male black female matches.so the guy unknowingly has to compete with multiple other guys just to keep one women's attention. So if the guy feels he should be loyal by just talking to one woman, then the woman after a few days becomes disinterested because she has so much attention from many guys. The guy unknowingly wasted his time and has to start over looking for someone else to talk with. That is very discouraging.

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    • nathan0861 says:
      Posted: 22 Aug 15

      Spot On. Women will play this game on men on this site like its just the way that it should be, even tho it isn't. Personally, I don't waste my time with females that do, bc they are showing in their actions/lack of that they are not honest ppl that value honest efforts. If a guy take the time to invest in paying a ridiculous fee for a membership to say hello to her, she should at least have enough decency to respond back (whether saying hello is a one liner or not). However, 90% don't... they take your efforts (no matter how small or large it is) for granted.

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      • Sunryze says:
        Posted: 24 Aug 15

        I'd actually disagree personally - if I message someone I would only want a genuine interest reply, and I think the most practical response if she isn't interested is for her just not to reply. 'Polite' replies/conversations is just empty timewasting to me, and neither party really benefits in the long run, unless they like collecting online friends.

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      • BelusEnlil50 says:
        Posted: 10 Oct 15

        And no matter how honest you are, if you're not rich or a thug, you're ignored. But the way I see it is rich men seek rich women and thugs are boys who allow women to struggle in life without any contributions, these thugs are boys to real men and the downfall of the women who LOVE them. One must never give up for among all these rotten apples is that one for you and me, it just takes time, be patient my friends!!!

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    • me-n-u-4ever says:
      Posted: 19 Nov 16

      I tend to disagree. MEN are MEN. Competition with other MEN is part of the chase. Being yourself is the primary way to catch a woman's attention. If she is drawn to YOU, no other man can take her away. If she chooses another, get over it and move on. Gamers are easy to spot.

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  35.   Sweet0909 says:
    Posted: 14 Jul 14

    I thought I was the only one getting the one line messages. I think it's a turn off period, worse one is the nasty messages like......"Hi sexy" really? I've received worse can't even mention here..What happened to respect, I'm just a simple South African black woman looking for my soulmate....

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    • Chrissy52 says:
      Posted: 16 Jul 14

      its frustrating yes, as the men will start out with a nice conversation and end up wanting cyber sex.

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      • keisha2 says:
        Posted: 24 Jul 14

        Tell me about it sister,same here and it doesn't matter the age.

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        • lohtuss says:
          Posted: 30 Nov 14

          Just been asked to make someone's wedding wand hard not even ten minutes into a conversation... didn't know whether to laugh or cry...i guess you will come across even bullfrogs in your quest to find a soulmate...mercy!

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          • me-n-u-4ever says:
            Posted: 19 Nov 16

            My dear ladies. Slimers are everywhere. When the internet calls, jerks arrive. Women do it too. But men are bigger offenders, I agree. So when a guy goes primal, hang up and report. It's bad for all the '"good" men to suffer from the mistakes of low life jack ass dudes.

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    • wakoko says:
      Posted: 25 Apr 18

      Real men exist not all me are the same try out someone from east Africa all I want is a friend like my friend

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  36.   AngelusFury says:
    Posted: 01 Mar 14

    Notice how alot of these advice articles are relative to just men...do we suck that bad at this????....or is that these site really cater to women. I can promise you that percentage of subscriptions favor the men. Granted the on liners and lack of effort will reduce your chances of finding a compatible woman on here, but lets face it-its an uphill battle from the start for us. Don't get discouraged fellas. Keep at it. Recognize your self worth and what you bring to the table and go get em!

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    • Chrissy52 says:
      Posted: 16 Jul 14

      Angelusfury, what is happening is that men who really want a relationship are being sidelined by the jokers who come just looking to jerk off themselves, so that when genuine guys come we are wary and will run them off

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      • June32321 says:
        Posted: 02 Jan 16

        That is so painfully true, if you are sincere and genuine it seems to work against you, the guys that are not serious seem to be our faithful leaders and according to the women we all are the same, We are not the same jus as the women are not the same, but we will keep looking for love until we've found that right one, she is out there..

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        • Favored1973 says:
          Posted: 18 May 17

          Guys it's simple. A grown , educated , Godly woman will only be attracted to a man with the same qualities. Birds of the same feather flock together...Period

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  37.   .HoneyLove. says:
    Posted: 07 Feb 14

    The "One Liner" definitely doesn't get any attention. How am I supposed to work with "Hey" or "What's up"...really, after all the thought and effort I put into my profile, and that's ALL you have to say?? Women like a man who is engaging, who shows some kind of effort during the conversation, like he's actually interested in getting to know you. While I appreciate you loving my skin tone and ethnicity, realize that we are individuals behind that.

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    • MrHaveachat says:
      Posted: 22 Jul 14

      .honeylove, I am definitely a one line hater, nothing's worse than trying to initiate a conversation and only get them..omg it's like prying a tooth out just to get maybe their attention. I don't really care if I make contact and the woman is conversing with " many " , it's the depth of my integrity that I hope to gain her interest, but good luck in your search for your lucky man, I tend to believe there is more of us who like to write out here than the " one liners "

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  38.   Luso37 says:
    Posted: 31 Jan 14

    I disagree... If a woman likes ur profile she will reply. If u write too much (100 words) on the first reach out... It kills ur chances because u come off as desperate. That's what's worked for me. Just don't use cheesy lines using keywords referencing a race

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    • VO72 says:
      Posted: 12 Jul 14

      A very valid point but there are a lot of them that really don't like one-liner either. The trick is to gage HOW MUCH they write and WHAT they write on their profile. Yet writing a dissertation is dangerous because she could judge that as your talkativeness and project that on the first date.

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  39.   Faren71 says:
    Posted: 28 Jan 14

    It amazes me that people do stupid things like this, "chocolate bunny" sort of thing. Simply stated... treat the woman/man you are interested in like a PERSON. Their skin color is nothing they could control. So, why does it matter/why should you care? As for the advice to the men, thanks... but this should also apply to the women as well. I get spammed by creative introductions, like "Hi!" or "Hey, cutie!" I mean, seriously! I can't work with that! I usually respond with a polite question to open up a conversation, but usually get nothing but hardly ever get a response.

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  40. Posted: 27 Jan 14

    If I had a dollar for every time I've heard/read these "lines".....I could most definitely retire early! Here's another one...."You look like *insert name of current black female celebrity here*....when, in fact you look NOTHING like that woman at all....the only thing you've got in common is gender and race/ethnicity.

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  41.   Jazzy.jay says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 14

    Great article! Everyone on this site should read it & learn something.

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  42.   davy.g says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 14

    Uh oh. I have been guilty of some of these "cringe-worthy" chocolate references in the past when trying to be playful. Should have let my very presence on this site speak for itself. I wouldn't be here, and neither would the ladies unless there was heightened interest in dating inter-racially to find the best match. Now time for a little apologizing and a little bridge mending...:P

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  43.   Dawtsun says:
    Posted: 15 Jan 14

    Ehhhh, I disagree with this article, so what if a white woman writes me an email and says "Looking for my ... black prince" I interpret that to simply mean she's into or only dates black men. As far as the one liners go, how am I supposed to reference something specific in their profile when quite frankly ... its a one liner.

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  44.   Cariblovely says:
    Posted: 29 Dec 13

    So true I had to learn with time and knowledge most importantly experience, some not all will say anything to manipulate the situation and they might be simply a pathological liar

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  45.   Chandab2 says:
    Posted: 26 Dec 13

    My sentiments exactly! I hate and avoid introductions such as "Hey", "Hi", "Hi gorgeous", etc... I hate when people make stupid references like "Vanilla in search of caramel" or something idiotic like that.. On the flip side...When I send messages I do tend to reference something in the person's profile and/or say something with more substance than those one-liners, but I NEVER get a response? *scratches head* .Am I channeling the same type of behavior because the only messages I get are the one liner that I ignore like the plague? Food for thought....

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    • Engineer60 says:
      Posted: 06 Jul 14

      Chandab2, You hate one liners. iknow nothing about you eccept your photo. So here is a one-liner for you. I think you have a beautiful smile and face with lovely lines and features. A face I could look at every day.

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    • Hello_K says:
      Posted: 17 May 17

      I have been a one-liner and I have invested well-written short essays less than 100 words too. But, many of us get tired of trying to write in-depth messages referencing things in the profile and clicking the submit button while down on one knee only to have the message totally ignored anyway. The one-liner is to say, "hello, let me intro myself without adding my total heart and soul" because quite often the recipient will look at the profile pictures and decide if interested anyway. And, there went 5-10 minutes of non-refundable life for nothing.

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  46.   Javan094 says:
    Posted: 25 Dec 13

    People are individuals. What some like, others may not. If a white woman is attracted to me because of my skin tone, so what ? She's a woman whose attracted to me, what's not to like ? This all sounds too petti to me.

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    • June32321 says:
      Posted: 02 Jan 16

      I agree, physical attractiveness is everything to people in the beginning no matter how much they deny it, what else catches a persons attention at first glance.

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  47. Posted: 21 Dec 13

    Nice article! I really needed the pointers..

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  48.   jesselandau says:
    Posted: 10 Dec 13

    You wanna meet a super cool, gorgeous Black woman? Don't remind her of her color and her status. The world does that plenty already. And believe me, she doesn't dig it at all. I've dated several wonderful Black women. When the subject of race comes up, and it always does eventually, it's because she's come to feel safe with me over time and we can see past our skin tone. I NEVER bring the subject up first. NEVER. Have I ever told my queens, "I just love biting your beautiful brown skin, baby.", or "Ooh, you gonna give me some chocolate tonight?", or "Let me cook tonight, my beautiful dark-skinned lover."? Of course I have. She's not stupid. She knows I love her curves and her color, but those comments can wait far, far down the road.

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  49.   Hotpocket1 says:
    Posted: 07 Dec 13

    This article is so true. Try as I might not to be annoyed at being called a chocolate anything, I am. I guess because my friends and I just don't do that. I don't even want to imagine what type of looks I would get it I started calling my friends "Snowflake" or "White Christmas"(I just made that up).

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  50.   Austin87 says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 13

    Pet names like 'Chololate bunny' or 'Caramel cream might come when you get to know the person better (remember that guys). This isn't in defence of the cheesy one-liner but a few words in a message doesn't necessarily make him a bad person or a player. Maybe he's not very good with approaching women... Maybe that's why he's on this site in the first place. I'll say reply his message but appraoch with caution cuz you never know where you'll find happiness. ;)

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